In this life, sometimes we are given unmistakable signs of the inevitable. Clouds mean rain. Winter means cold. And these 20 signs mean it’s time for kitchen renovations:

• You know it’s time to redo your kitchen when …
  the plumbing under the sink is falling apart, and you run out of Band Aids.
• You know it’s time to redo your kitchen when …
  your guests all marvel at how you achieved such an “authentic” retro look.
• You know it’s time to redo your kitchen when …
  so many floor tiles have been chipped and filled in that visitors stop to guess “What is that a mosaic of?”
• You know it’s time to redo your kitchen when …
  counters start to crack and chip. And fade. And swell. And moan with agony.
• You know it’s time to redo your kitchen when …
  mould accumulating in the corners is preparing to launch an assault on the refrigerator.
• You know it’s time to redo your kitchen when …
  your kitchen gadgets sign a petition demanding more space before letting in any more “immigrant gadgets” at Christmas.

• You know it’s time to redo your kitchen when …
  the lighting that served you so well in your 20s, no longer serves your octogenarian eyes.
• You know it’s time to redo your kitchen when …
  you can’t scrub the dirt off the kitchen cupboard doors, because it’s the dirt that holds them together.
• You know it’s time to redo your kitchen when …
  your smoke alarm strikes for overtime pay.
• You know it’s time to redo your kitchen when …
  you recount the highlights of past dinner parties corresponding to the knife cuts in your counter.
• You know it’s time to redo your kitchen when …
  cupboard bottoms and shelves start to sag more than your middle-aged body.
• You know it’s time to redo your kitchen when …
  hinges keep falling off and the Home Depot guy tells you that this time there are no bigger screws available.
• You know it’s time to redo your kitchen when …
  your brand new table is just as wobbly on the floor as the old one you replaced.
• You know it’s time to redo your kitchen when …
  your family anthem includes dishwasher grinding, refrigerator groans and oven clangs.
• You know it’s time to redo your kitchen when …
  the window panes and the windows drapes are starting to look suspiciously like the same colour.
• You know it’s time to redo your kitchen when …
  you run out of outlets for the latest “George Foreman grill”.
• You know it’s time to redo your kitchen when …
  you spill a glass of blueberry juice on the floor, and nobody notices.
• You know it’s time to redo your kitchen when …
  you no longer require mouse traps to repel rodents.
• You know it’s time to redo your kitchen when …
  you can’t decide what your kitchen smells like, a nauseous grizzly bear, a dying penguin or last Tuesday’s overcooked corned beef.
• You know it’s time to redo your kitchen when …
  it looks like this: